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$45,000 in the hole

I was so broke.

I chased the spotlight. Big money. Big dreams. Big impact.

Yet, I had gotten myself into such a mess.

I sold my house. My car. My lavish dresses and jewelry.

My credit cards were completely maxed out. I lived in the basement of someone’s townhouse.

I don’t even know how I got food sometimes. Or had enough gas to go anywhere. Or find a more stable job.

I got sucked into the trappings of success from an MLM company when I was a sales director at Mary Kay Cosmetics.

“You have to look the part! People want to HAVE what you have.”

I was told I would fail if I left. I would be a quitter.

But it didn’t feel right anymore. I felt so much cognitive dissonance.

I BELIEVED in the mission to help women. And I always believed I could do something great.

But I was drowning.

And I was so disappointed in myself.

My naivete that my income would keep going up and to the right!

I didn’t trust myself anymore.

I looked for answers in every guru, motivational speaker, inspirational quotes, author, religious figure, any a-hole off the street that seemed to have confidence.

So many stories were being created about money and its meaning.

I was SO sure that no guy would ever want to be with me.

I was a liability with all this debt.

And didn’t want to ever be a burden on anyone else.

If you read all this again, can you hear the language?

Can you hear the implications of my self-worth and value as it relates to money and my relationships?

We can be complete effing A-HOLES to ourselves.

So, I’m setting out to untangle and rewire these deeply buried beliefs.

And I got Dr. Seth Gillihan, cognitive behavioral therapist and Ivy League educated PhD on Culture Changers Podcast, talking about money and mental states.

Listen here.

Show notes page

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P.S. I’m on a plane as I write this to Sedona, AZ for a retreat. What’s the retreat about? Funny you should ask. Removing money blocks and money mindsets for women with Elyse Archer. It’s way woo but I’m genuinely invested in dealing with this head-on. Follow me on IG stories for real-time updates.

P.P.S. Also, on the plane, super inspired and moved by this. I get an almost euphoric joy from watching movies on a plane. Anyone else? No? Just me. Okcool.

P.P.P.S. Where do you notice your hang-ups about money? Can you email me back? I’m working on a little something with your ideas. As always, thank you!

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