$45,000 in the hole
I was so broke.
I chased the spotlight. Big money. Big dreams. Big impact.
Yet, I had gotten myself into such a mess.
I sold my house. My car. My lavish dresses and jewelry.
My credit cards were completely maxed out. I lived in the basement of someone’s townhouse.
I don’t even know how I got food sometimes. Or had enough gas to go anywhere. Or find a more stable job.
I got sucked into the trappings of success from an MLM company when I was a sales director at Mary Kay Cosmetics.
“You have to look the part! People want to HAVE what you have.”
I was told I would fail if I left. I would be a quitter.
But it didn’t feel right anymore. I felt so much cognitive dissonance.
I BELIEVED in the mission to help women. And I always believed I could do something great.
But I was drowning.
And I was so disappointed in myself.
My naivete that my income would keep going up and to the right!
I didn’t trust myself anymore.
I looked for answers in every guru, motivational speaker, inspirational quotes, author, religious figure, any a-hole off the street that seemed to have confidence.
So many stories were being created about money and its meaning.
I was SO sure that no guy would ever want to be with me.
I was a liability with all this debt.
And didn’t want to ever be a burden on anyone else.
If you read all this again, can you hear the language?
Can you hear the implications of my self-worth and value as it relates to money and my relationships?
We can be complete effing A-HOLES to ourselves.
So, I’m setting out to untangle and rewire these deeply buried beliefs.
And I got Dr. Seth Gillihan, cognitive behavioral therapist and Ivy League educated PhD on Culture Changers Podcast, talking about money and mental states.
P.S. I’m on a plane as I write this to Sedona, AZ for a retreat. What’s the retreat about? Funny you should ask. Removing money blocks and money mindsets for women with Elyse Archer. It’s way woo but I’m genuinely invested in dealing with this head-on. Follow me on IG stories for real-time updates.
P.P.S. Also, on the plane, super inspired and moved by this. I get an almost euphoric joy from watching movies on a plane. Anyone else? No? Just me. Okcool.
P.P.P.S. Where do you notice your hang-ups about money? Can you email me back? I’m working on a little something with your ideas. As always, thank you!