- Allison Hare
5 non-obvious ways to build a rock-solid relationship
I dumped my (now) husband 2 weeks after we met.
He was too nice. I was NOT used to that.
He was crushed (obvi). I was jaded and moved right along. 🙄
But don't worry. I came to my senses a couple of months later.
Oddly, I learned some PROFOUND lessons about the kind of relationship I wanted WAAAAAY before I met my husband.
And today, literally today, marks 11 years of when we became a family. We got married TODAY! 👰 🤵 ❤️ 💕 💝
I've made a lot of poor choices in my life. Lots of stumbles and redirects.
Marrying Chris was by far, the greatest decision of my life. And our wedding was the happiest day of my life. Wanna see?
Relationships can be tricky. I thought I could pass some of those lessons on to you if they can be of service.
Here are some NON-OBVIOUS practices that have formed the backbone of our relationship:
Success in a relationship is not measured by how well you get along. It's measured by how well you fight. My parents divorced. My husband's parents never did. Early in our relationship, when we would fight, my instinct would be to just quit and walk away. He was like, "what? No, let's talk through it." It was a big lesson to learn early.
The happiest relationships are ones that have positive illusions about each other. e.g. "My wife loves to explore and try new things" is far kinder than "my wife never finishes anything she starts" and "I love my husband's strength and determination" is a much higher regard than "my husband is such a JERK to others."
Always put your partners needs before your own - Okay, calm down. Let me explain this one. This isn't some weird submissive patriarchal ideology. When you do things FOR your partner, not out of obligation, but out of the pure joy of knowing it makes them happy, it leaves room for unconditional love. The flip side of this is expectation. Which leaves no room for unconditional love - but only an opportunity to meet a baseline. And becomes more like a contractual agreement. This one isn't the easiest to do naturally - but works beautifully when both partners actively pursue this as a practice in the relationship.
Never trash talk your partner in public - I would DIE if I knew my husband was talking disparagingly about me. Certainly, there are times when things can get tough and you REALLY need to talk it out with someone trusted to safely process. Sadly, I've been in way too many open conversations with some men who talk about how their wife "sits around and does nothing all day" as an example. Honestly, I would DIE.
Sarcasm - This one is the hardest for me! I'm a born and bred Jersey girl where sarcasm is genuinely a love language. While I let it fly - mostly when i'm around people from the north with friends and my siblings (in the south, I've got to watch it as I come off as a real a-hole), with my husband, it just doesn't feel nurturing or expansive so I make a point not to use it.
What are some of yours? Anything NON-OBVIOUS and non-cliche practices that work for you in your partnership? Please email me back (or comment) and let me know.
INVITATION: Try putting ONE of these non-obvious pillars into practice into your own relationship and see how it changes the dynamic for the positive. Feel free to share this and report back!
As we were getting the kids ready for school today, I played a song that was in one of our wedding videos, I welled up with tears just grateful for this family and the goodness and strong roots that exist within our home and in our hearts. 🥰
When i think about the relationships we have, the connections we make, the proximity we have to impact each other - and wanting to strengthen the only one you can control - the relationship to yourself.
And that's why I put together the Effective Collective mastermind for mothers who are looking for more fulfillment, alignment, and purpose - through regenerating your energy naturally, deepening the relationships that mean the most to you, and reclaiming your time.
We start next week. It's 3 months. I only have a few spots left and it will fill up. I've opened a few more slots on my calendar over the next few days to talk to you if this is piquing your interest. Let's chat here (but don't sleep on this).
Catch up on my latest solo episode of Late Learner Podcast as I'm getting SUPER real about the biggest lesson I UNLEARNED one year after leaving my corporate job.
EP183: The Biggest Lesson UNLEARNED after leaving the corporate world
And big happy 11th anniversary to Chris. I can't wait to see where we go from here. 😍
P.S. On the Effective Collective mastermind, book a free call with me here over the next 4 days. It's one thing to always be focused on self-improvement and a whole other one when you have a hand-selected small cohort of committed and caring powerhouse mamas with you every. step. of the way.
P.P.S. She's gone from plastic to truly fantastic. Brava Mattel!
P.P.P.S. A sleep divorce?
P.P.P.P.S. There's a science to how your head tilts when you kiss? Yup, there sure is.