- Allison Hare
It's complicated: mothers and daughters
"Mommy, is this how Granny treated you when you were a kid?"
After my kids told me I was the biggest bully of all 🙄 after an epic showdown of too much screen time, I remembered the next-level Jedi tricks from the brilliant parent-teen coach, Cindy Robinson, and took a deep breath.
First of all, I love that both my kids are so freaking wise to turn their ninja emotional tricks back on me. Bravo! 👏
Second, out of all the emotions and moods I wish I could control, the ones towards my kids are where I feel the most guilt.
One one hand, there's so much generational programming hardwired in there. And also, there's the higher self at play that knows better when I lose my cool.
Always apologize. Always listen. Always take a beat. Always relate. Always give them space.
But damn. it's hard in the split second when you lose your sh*t.
Especially when you know you're highly aware you are totally screwing your kids up that very moment!
Thinking a lot about generational wounds/genes/trauma/habits/gifts, whatever you want to call it.
And especially the relationship between our mothers and daughters.
I feel so hopeful on a lot of levels for our girls and their future. A lot of patriarchal frameworks are sloooooowly being revealed, reframed, and dismantled. It is a new era post me-too.
And there's still so much further to go.
I lost my mother 1 1/2 years ago. She was a bad ass in so many ways. But I don't think she would have measured herself in that way.
She lived with a lot of regrets and HUGE hopes for her six children to live a more fully expressed life than she did. Especially her daughters.
And when I look at my ultra spirited and sparkly quirky 7 year old daughter, and pray she always knows her true worth, regardless of what anybody tells her, I can't help but think of all the mysterious nature vs. nurture ingredients that truly are out of my hands.
INVITATION: What was the one lesson your mom inadvertently taught you? (Good or bad) What's your favorite memory of her? If you are able to let her know, please do. Even if it's in a letter that you never mail. Or you can email me back and let me know.
These relationships are soooo complex. So complicated. So beautiful and can be so painful.
That kind of significance is worth talking about.
Speaking of which, today's episode of Late Learner is different than my regular format. It's deeply personal. And I bet you'll find it super reflective for yourself.
I invited Kris Jones to be my guest. We didn't know each other, but recently serendipitously connected because she also recently lost her mom.
We decided to share some of the deeper insights into reflecting on our relationships with our mamas (and women in our respective families) on today's episode.
I hope you listen (and share) this episode to spark some meaningful conversations in your own circles about probably the most significant relationship in your life.
EP181: IT'S COMPLICATED: MOTHERS AND DAUGHTERS
P.S. Fun pop-up dance fitness class this Sunday! In Atlanta? Come on and do something fun! Afraid of trying something new? Nah - it's all in the dark so you can get lost in the music! Sign up here.
P.P.S. I feel attacked. And possibly followed.
P.P.P.S. Speaking of mother-types, this is the most brilliant idea ever!