- Allison Hare
Creating the perfect woman
Mom was chronically ill. Struggled with depression and her weight. I didn't want to be like that.
Noticed a girl was super negative in EVERY post on social media. Didn't want to be like that even though I felt like it sometimes.
Knew a guy who was ALWAYS needy and constantly looking for validation. Didn't want to be that person either.
Saw people visibly uncomfortable in social situations. I hated seeing that. Never wanted to be the cause of someone else's discomfort.
Knew a girl who ONLY posted annoying cliche motivational posts. I missed HER voice - not recycling someone else's thoughts. Vowed to do my best to be original as much as possible.
I saw new moms struggle to regain footing as they embraced their new life - their own evolution and their new baby and growing family . I vowed to always appear unfettered and fabulous after having my babies. Instead, I struggled with body dysmorphia, disordered eating, and botched plastic surgery. 🤷♀️ Potayto potahto, right?
I had a history of men leaving when I was a young child. As an adult, I wanted to be SO perfect, no one would want to leave me.
And conversely, there was a time where as "perfect" as I was trying to be in relationships, no man would commit to me.
Ain't that a b*tch?
Even though I knew in my heart, they weren't the right guys, I mourned because I wasn't captivating and enchanting enough to want them to stay.
I spent the bulk of my late 30's/early 40's trying to mold myself into the perfect woman. I wanted to avoid the pain of rejection and not being enough/being too much.
It was all based in fear (not love).
Again, entirely being validated by external forces.
Squashing my own true feelings down so far, I didn't know what they were anymore. I couldn't even recognize my own voice.
Do you do this?
Are you so far on autopilot with the "shoulds" that you forgot to ask the VERY important questions of your own unbridled heart?
I'm spending the latter portion of my 40's (ahem) trying to discern what MY voice is vs. the cultural conditioning of my earlier belief systems. They call it deconstructive healing, I believe!
What do I really want?
INVITATION: If you take away the FEAR of what you don't want to happen, what DO you really want? Write it down. No, I'm serious. Type it here while you're thinking about it. Or grab a pen and paper and just free form write and leave me a comment with what you come up with. Sometimes, magic will just spill out unexpectedly when you do an extemporaneous exercise like that.
And speaking of doing things VERY differently, what would happen if you rewound your parenting skills BACK to the 80's and raised your kids like they do in Stranger Things?
Everyone's favorite unconventional parent/teen coach Cindy Robinson (yep, that one) is BACK on Late Learner Podcast to break down an entirely new framework of parenting that could JUST very well save our society. Like, for real.
LISTEN HERE: EP178: Raise Your Kids Like Stranger Things? Cindy Robinson
P.S. It was Fun February. This month, it's Meditation March. Want in with me? Join here.
P.P.S. If you're in Atlanta, I'm doing a pop-up Reb3l dance fitness class this Monday at the Training Room (on the Atlanta Beltline) with the great JR McCall! Get your ticket here.
P.P.P.S. I am CRUSHING on this NEW hotel about to open!!!! 🪞 🏨 Swooooooooooon!!! Maybe a future Atlanta Wellness Retreat there???? ❤️❤️❤️
P.P.P.P.S. Wooo I might never leave my bedroom this month. it's back! 🔥 🔥 🔥