More in the tank
"Are you really PASSIONATE about software? I know you have passion in spades. But maybe this isn't your thing?"
YIKES. My worst fear on my VERY real imposter syndrome came true.
Despite my best efforts to be all in, my boss saw right through me.
It was a couple of years ago. I was struggling with my sales quota after years and years of crushing it.
Getting through the corporate grind, day after day, week after week where I was literally forcing myself to fake it all the way through - honestly, I don't know how I lasted so long.
My husband would often find me slumped over the keyboard crying.
I would feel a tightness in my chest every single day.
Work during this time in my life made me feel constricted, tired, small, overstretched, depleted, sad, restless, and longing for something else.
My podcast, dancing, my family, and writing made me feel expansive, expressive, creative, fully alive, and in my element.
It was the clearest contrast I had ever experienced. I knew I had more in the tank.
I signed up for every coaching program I could find and beyond - tarot readers, reiki sessions, writing workshops, money mindset and sales coaching, social media programs, branding/marketing, entrepreneurship, spinning up businesses out of ideas I had a passion and aptitude to pursue, ANYTHING to get me out of this mess like a 🚀 ship!
I could feel myself compartmentalizing everything I could just to get through.
And trying my best to prioritize dance classes which brought so much JOY that I had never permitted myself to feel before.
I felt like I had to earn permission to relax or feel joy.
I was stuck in my work chair desperately trying to do as much work as I can to turn my results around. I would only get up to pee or eat. I wouldn't go for a walk and if I did, I would feel guilty like I should be working.
But when i took this Reb3l dance class for the first time, it was like I was struck by lightning. I didn't know my left foot from my right but once I just let go, I felt the most intense rush. It was a RELEASE!
And from then on, I tried to find other ways to ADD that joy.
Crowd out the bad with more good.
Bubbling underneath, I knew I was meant for more.
INVITATION: The next time you shame yourself into nailing yourself down to work because you are afraid you'll lose your momentum or commission or productivity, maybe that's a trigger to go outside and take a break. Even if it's for 5 minutes. Where can you permit yourself to feel more JOY, RELEASE, and feel more ALIGNED?
I hope you will tell a friend who is wound pretty tight about this story and invite them to join you.
And speaking of more in the tank, have you ever been inspired by people doing BEYOND human feats? I got ultra athletes and record breakers, Rick Webb, and "Crazy Bob" Stuka to discuss their experience competing in the Cirque Series Max Vert Challenge where they scaled the Manitou Incline 7-10x A DAY (it's the steepest peak in CO and VERY DIFFICULT) for 31 days.
I was so inspired just watching them that it's pushing me in all areas of my life. I bet it will for you, too.
P.S. I thought this was going to be a lighthearted romance and ended up WRECKED instead.
P.P.S. Clearing challenge (a chance to declutter your space - head, emotions, physical, everything) starts TODAY for the month of December! Still time to join here. It's FREE!
P.P.P.S. Oh! Interesting thoughts around unhealthy productivity beliefs. This hit a nerve for me. You, too?