I've been struggling lately with being "good enough." Some may say "too much" but we don't pay any mind to those fools, do we? 🙄
Anyway, I've been wrestling with some old familiar feelings that I felt when I was dating before I met my husband.
I would date guys who were really good people. We had fun. We would go on adventures. But they weren't ALLLL the way right. I knew it, too.
But I would get so deeply hurt that I wasn't enchanting enough for them to prioritize me. 💁🏻♀️ Why wasn't I enough? 😭
In fact, i vaguely remember sitting in the middle of a field literally reading a book called Enchanting (I think!) about how to woo a man. 😳 😱 😆 UGH! Patriarchy: 1. Allison: 0
I'm pretty sure this was in the time of the ridiculous dating book of yore called The Rules for women and it's male companion, The Game, for reference. 🤦♀️ Let's just say they haven't aged well.
And now, some pretty deep wounds have resurfaced around some close friendships that have since dissolved. It keeps me very guarded in many cases and fighting the urge to be too eager to get closer to people I meet or care about now.
In hindsight, I can see clearly that those old friendships ran their course and definitely weren't the right fit anymore - but that familiar feeling of them not wanting to work on it with me (not good enough) just keeps coming back again and again.
I still carry those wounds. It's like I felt the need to fold myself so small to not get in anybody else's way so I wasn't truthful about my experience at the time. I just kept it to myself.
Have you ever done this where you've shrunk yourself to fit into some arbitrary mold?
BUT I have learned that when I start looking for validation from external sources, that's a trigger for me to reconnect and re-ground myself...by myself. In the quiet.
I had a conversation with one of the most interesting people on the planet, Father Dennis Dorner (he's like a younger version of Father Richard Rohr - definitely unconventional and refreshing) and he talked about how we struggle understanding our interior movements.
I wonder if our need to fit into a title or belong to a group has superseded our need to be who we truly are.
If you were to ask yourself, do you REALLY know who you are? Do you like that person? Do you hide the shadow parts?
INVITATION: Write this down in a journal (physically write it). Ask yourself: what am I feeling? Who am I? How does God see me (if you believe)? How do I see me?
This was a prompt from Father Dennis - who is my latest guest on Late Learner podcast today. I get some help from mentor, Marilyn O'Neal on this one.
Father Dennis is younger, fiery, unapologetically honest about hypocrisy in the church, deals head-on with the controversy surrounding the Catholic church and helps our transgender and LGBTQ+ friends, among others.
This could be one of the more provocative episodes and will undoubtedly leave you feeling hopeful, more clear, and a little more accepting of each other. And perhaps take another look at your faith in a new light.
P.S. Now THIS is a playground that will challenge your mind.
P.P.S. If you are a mom who is ready to design a new chapter, schedule a free exploratory call with me. The Effective Collective mastermind could be the right fit for you!
P.P.P.S. As someone who wants to sell EVERYTHING once I'm done, this. is. AMAZING! WAY TO GO, TARGET!
P.P.P.P.S. And on the topic of friendships, here's a hack to beat loneliness.